Confidence: Derek O’Neill
When you look in the mirror what do you see? What assessment do you give yourself? Are you smart? Do you think that are you successful? Is your trustworthy, handsome, knowing that you can rise above your limitations or are you weary, unsure or afraid to take chances? Do you fall prey to the criticism of others or do you allow yourself to accept you as you are? Confidence: you definitely need it to succeed and live a more fulfilled life. But, what happens when you lack it? What happens when others knock you down before you are able to build yourself up? What happens when they prey on your insecurities and you do not find a way to tear away at them and think more positively of yourself. Are you confident or are you arrogant? As author Derek O’Neill sates on page four of this amazing resource “ a conversation about confidence has to start with YOU!” You need to belief in yourself and your own abilities. That’s really not that hard to understand. He then asks you to rate yourself in many areas from 1-10. He then asks you to look at the ratings and see if they are the same or different. Relating this to confidence building you will learn just how these ratings come into play and what you the reader will learn if you need to get a confidence boost.
Belief if or not everyone has the same potential and you dear reader must approach all that you do with a self-confident attitude. You need to control your thoughts, transform your life, do good things for other people and guess what! You just might do more than surprise yourself. Throughout this first chapter he relates what happens when we allow a low self-esteem to drag us down? Do you focus on what you can’t do and your limitations or do you focus on your strengths? I bet some of you never thought about this but make sure you answer these questions honestly and then read on. The rest of the chapter I will leave to you to explore more information about self-confidence and why it must be nourished. The author continues with an enlightening chapter on self-acceptance and love. Followed by confidence and ego.
Do you ever talk to friends or relatives about how you feel? Are you someone that relates his feelings to everyone he meets? Do you eat away or tear away at yourself. Have you ever gotten to the core of your problem and tried to work on fixing it? Just like checking a coat or giving your car to a valet for a while why don’t you permanently check your negative thoughts about yourself. The author states many times that you need to accept your for who you are and not keep thinking of yourself as unworthy.
Can you define the difference between a healthy and unhealthy ego? Ego believe it or not is really important and can be your very best friend. Ego helps to understand confidence. A healthy one believe it or not lets you stand” in your power of “ I AM.” It comes from your personal life experiences. But, what about the opposite and unhealthy ego? It is formed by someone else’s experiences that have absolutely nothing to do with your truth. Just what this means and how you can develop a healthy ego and build confidence read pages 13- 16. This is one mystery you need to solve for yourself.
Do you tell yourself that you are good and confident? Do you say positive things about yourself to boost your self-esteem? Do you shift gears and send yourself negative messaging? We all have many obstacles to overcome in life but if we get rid or the negative and not allow them to become ingrained in our brains and send them packing you might say, realize that you are a good and deserving person, trust me you are, the confidence he states, “to inspire yourself in all areas of your life will grow.” See how easy that is!
Despite what you might think and others do no one is perfect. Even people that appear to be so very together and exude so much confidence on the outside believe me they too have some insecurity to deal with. Life has many different paths and only you can create a more positive one by allowing these insecurities to take a final backseat to what you really need to do and that is feel good about yourself. The author continues by defining and presenting examples of inner confidence and external validation. Do you know the difference between confidence and arrogance? I do because I read pages 25- 27. Are you thankful for the things you have? Do you have positive thoughts? Do you spend time feeling sorry for yourself or show sympathy and understanding for others? You need to never let anyone make you feel small, not good enough to be in his or her air space or attempt to give you an inferior complex. Kids try to bully other kids to make them feel inadequate. Adults do the same when they are not so self-assured about themselves. First hand experience no doubt and working with students as the dean of discipline of my school you learn a lot about confidence building and working with students that need to accept themselves and others for who they are and learn to get along.
What causes you to feel inadequate? What are your triggers? Someone saying something about how you look, your makeup or being overweight? What is the difference between a critical mind and a critical factor? These are defined and illustrated on pages 29- 32 where you will learn how to avoid the pitfalls of falling prey to the words of others and not allowing them to trigger your insecurities. Do you accept a compliment or do you shrug them off? encourage your growth in a positive direction. Do you stick to your convictions or do you back down when confronted? Do you help others and show them a kindness when they need help? Making a positive difference in the life of a friend or just holding the door for an elderly person or asking them if they need help in other ways is valuable. Remember too that no one is perfect and you and everyone else will make mistakes. Next, he includes two important chapters dealing with energy and consciousness of confidence and confidence and body image. Of course let’s not forget the confidence to be wrong. What are some ways to boost your confidence? Pages 44-49 will enlighten you but I will give you some insight and some of the ways: First, think about how you can be more accepting of yourself. Be more accepting and less critical of other people. Something we all should do: Look at the good and not just the bad. Let go of the guilt and the last one that I will give you: Take others off pedestals. There are many more and of course each of these confidence boosters are vividly explained within the pages 44-49 followed by a confidence meditation which this reviewer found quite enlightening and definitely invigorating.
Let go of negativity. Embrace your ego and be positive. Accept your imperfections and make sure that you keep this resource close by incase guilt, blame and arrogance decide to rear their ugly heads and need to be put in their proper places. Criticism is okay if it is constructive. As a reviewer I never pan a book or write a negative review. If I feel that a book does not warrant at least four stars I will only summarize it and not state whether I like or dislike the book. I feel that everyone is entitled to their opinion and what I do not think is five stars someone else might. There is so much negative out there why add to it.
Confidence starts with you accepting you. Read this great resource and you too will be in the road to being the best you possible. The only person that you really have to please is the one whose face you see in the mirror every morning.
Fran Lewis: reviewer