The Get Over Yourself! Handbook on Creating Happiness in a Relationship
Authors: R. Milton Quibner and Mia Matters
As you open the pages of this book you are going to experience what the authors relate as their opinions and experiences about sexual relationships. Do not expect stories, examples or any scientific research. The authors are not and I repeat not licenses therapists. The book was written as a guideline to help readers develop better relationships with their respective partners. The forward explains that before reading and diving into this book what it takes to create Happiness in a relationship and that it is important to make someone else happy. They define where happiness comes from and ways to create it within yourself and someone else. “Happiness can and should be your aim as a couple for setting the bar high is always the best approach….”
Creating a sense of Togetherness is what the authors relate in the Introduction. The book begins with a description of why Physical Health is vital and critical. They incorporate within this chapter how and why food comes into play and why certain goods make people happy. Enjoying eating and together is great. Hoping that you enjoy the same foods would bond two people closer but sometimes as in my case, you have dietary needs that have to be met and differences in your diet should not come between you. Eating fresh fruits and vegetables is a must for exercising and me and walking is vital. This chapter also focuses on exercising together and doing some things together but not all. Men might take on more difficult tasks when at the gym and we might take a less aggressive approach. Work and Career are discussed in chapter two as everyone faces the stresses of work on a daily basis. Money is vital and the need to live comfortably is what most wants. Respecting each other’s goals and work is important and communicating your needs and having discussions regarding work should require a give and take situation and not arguing and yelling. Your job should be something you want to go to everyday but having difficulties at work can often spill over and you need to find a work to create harmony and not let these conflicts come into your relationship. The one thing that I would have liked to see within this book is examples of how the authors themselves handled difficult situations. I realize that the book is based on their thoughts and experiences but I would have liked to learn more about their experiences by having them share some of their own stories.
Chapter three focuses on Religion and Chapter Four Regular Sexual Togetherness. The book moves on to focus on Internal Dynamic: How We Treat Each Other. But, before moving on to this chapter I have to state that I realize the authors feel that people of the same religious backgrounds and understanding have a better chance at a successful relationship. Within my family there are many who have married our of our faith or inter-faith marriages. Understanding that there is One God with many different voices their marriages, their understanding of the other’s religious beliefs have fostered success for over 30 or 40 years in some cases. Differences in beliefs, what you bring to a relationship come into play. This book is a guide to help you bring Happiness into your life. It is not a resource that contains research, sources at the end or any footnotes. It is a guide to help you begin understanding how to develop a true relationship with someone else. It’s a framework or a beginning that even young adults that are about to commit to a relationship can use to guide them in the right direction. How you treat someone namely your partner is paramount. Learning to be together takes work. I have to agree that music often softens the mood and doing things alone or separate should be part of your lives but not all. Career, health, internal dynamics and other areas are focused on in the first part of the handbook. Did you ever think about what makes you happy? The sixth chapter focuses on the differences stages and cycles of both men and women followed by the compatibility checklist, which contains few Must Have’s, and Should Be’s. Since there are quite a few that cover quite a number of pages I will focus on several and leave it to the reader to learn the rest:
Honesty To me is paramount in many ways. If you are not open and honest in relationship then distrust might build and things will go downhill. Next, friendships and regular communications would be two more areas that I would find vital. Your partner should be your best friend and talking honestly and openly about problems and communicating is great. Even turning off the TV and actually talking, sharing your concerns and thoughts helps to build a relationship. But, having examples would help make these must have’s more realistic. The authors included Handling Tragedy and difficulty which sometimes can cause a rift in a relationship if one person is not understanding and if you blame the other for the problems. There are many other have’s and must have’s that the authors bring to light. Similar foods in food diet might cause problems and each member of the relationship might not want to change their dietary habits or might have restrictions that would prevent them from trying new foods or sharing what their partner eats. I know from personal experience my husband respects the restrictions placed on my diet and we manage to go out to dinner and find some type of common ground or just order what we each want. Read pages 29- 32 to learn more. Finally the on page 31 Learning to respect and appreciate each other and seeing each other in a positive light and respectful light is important. The authors close the handbook the way they started it with the importance of achieving happiness that requires honesty and being honest with yourself and within yourself and your partner about everything within and without you. But, the last one has the most meaning for me: Thankfulness: Be thankful for life, the good things, good health and enjoy living.
Although the book does not have any personal accounts and this book represents the viewpoints and views of the authors it might keep reader interest even more if the next time they write a handbook to add interviews with couples that present both sides of the topic: positive and negative and how these situations are handled and add real life situations that readers can identify with. Adding articles, authorities on the subject or resources that they used to write the handbook would add more credibility to what they are trying to convey to readers in order to build a stronger and better relationship. Creating and building a better relationship is vital and this book is just one of the many valuable building blocks that can help couples get started or rebuild what they might have lost.
Fran Lewis: Reviewer
This book gets four stars