The Balanced Barometer Relationship
A barometer is an instrument that meteorologists use to determine the pressure of the atmosphere in order to be able to forecast the weather and determine altitude. Imagine having this special instrument, not a physical one but one that is created just for you to understand your relationship with another person, help to foster a better understanding and used to indicate changes and fluctuations in your relationship to create as the title of the book states a balanced relationship barometer. Sharing his own experiences with a failed relationship author Michael Gabriel hopes to make your experience successful. Within the first section of this book he focuses on “ how relationships develop, and how we react to give you some insight and opportunities for reflection.” In the second section he covers the tools and approaches needed to make your relationship successful. Before beginning he created questions at the end of the introduction for you to answer before getting started.
The author begins with a definition of the Balanced Relationship Barometer which is an approach, and a set of tools, to help you achieve a healthy and fulfilling relationship, I quote. Beginning with the following questions that are asked, answered and reevaluated in many of the chapters and in both sections as the core of what you need to evaluate: This is the simple framework that you can use when assessing a relationship that has failed in the past, starting a new one in the present or future and even when looking for a new career these questions are appropriate: They are:
What you must have or Gotta Haves
What would be nice to have: Like to have
What you deeply don’t want: Gotta not haves
He also puts an emphasis on checking and keeping track of your needs based on relationship-related events he states, that occur or don’t’ occur, in order to allow you to better identify hidden needs, trends, to better set your needs target and to stay in balance.
On pages 5 and 6 he explains the definition of a barometer and how it comes into play in this book and aiding in your relationship. In Chapter two he continues by describing many chemicals within our bodies that come into play and at the end of the chapter sums it up with Balanced Relationship Guideline 2 and on page 16 some vital questions are asked which hone in on: What is, or was your failing in love Experience? Have you been blinded by science? These are followed by some important questions that readers should take the time to answer followed by a unique graph titled the Dating Cycle which says it all and is followed by a detailed explanation and Balanced Relationship 3 which helps you to focus on the right direction. The main stay of this book is for you the reader to determine the answers to the first question but there is much more as you continue the journey and read page 21 where you will reflect on past relationships and what you miss and what you think might have gone wrong. You will reflect where you are now in your life and what you hope to get or want in the future. You can start thinking about the uncertainty of where your current relationship might lead. Finally, this is difficult for most people being to learn to be fearful of your relationship ending, the difficulties bonding with another person and new struggles you might experience or encounter. Added in the next pages he includes an anecdote or story that brings it to life.
Each chapter begins or ends with a statement to keep readers focused on the balanced relationship guidelines. Added in at the end of Chapter 2 the author has you the reader answering some important questions dealing with assessing your communication style related to your relationship. Chapter 3 focuses on what you want from love and chapter four why do you move forward, or when maybe we should stop? Very important information about what happens when your relationship moves ahead and whether or not you should continue. Added in are several short anecdotes from real life experiences that are shared. The hardest thing is to deal with change when your partner is not willing to compromise. You as I have learned and so many others too have to realize that you cannot change a person, they have to want to compromise or change. If by helping make changes you sacrifice something that you need to have no matter how small or large it is you might reconsider the relationship. By changing something in your partner you are changing something within you too.
Chapter 5 focuses on obstacles to achieving balance which includes a section on just hoping things will get better and questions dealing with: People resist change: Can you really make it better? The six questions on this page are quite enlightening and will help you decide the answer to that question yourself: starting with question one: Are there aspects of your partner you really want to change? List them in order of importance. The rest you are on your own and once again balanced relationship ten. Read it before starting the next chapter and only after answering the questions on page 62.
Chapter 7 organizing your needs and Chapter 8 Assessing your needs each time monitoring how the relationship focuses on your have to haves. The description of getting stuck in a tar pit is quite telling and definitely fits what happens when you feel like you are in a rut. Improving your relationship: SO WHAT NOW! Chapter 9 is the core of this book at least it is to me where the author focuses on reevaluating if your needs are met, yes, always, sometimes, never. How do you deal with relationship unbalances and two sections on improvement guidance which are quite helpful explains what happens when an item of have is not met and how you deal with the issues one at a time. What happens when you realize this have cannot be met. The book concludes with monitoring your relationship and keeping balance, your feelings and a very important part of this entire process: You relationship perception vs. reality! One quote from one of my favorite artists: Adele sums it up quite nicely before you the reader take on the journey, answer the questions in the appendices and begin your own way to a balanced relationship and hopefully your barometer will land on SUNNY. “Sometimes it last to love, but sometimes it hurts instead.” Adele. An interesting and powerful way to increase your chances of having a healthier and longer relationship. So, begin your journey make those three columns of Gotta Haves, Like to Have, Gotta not have items and go from there. Well defined, definitely first hand experience and a great resource for young adults that are about to embark on their first relationship, have had their heart broken with a first break-up or just for anyone that wants to start over or assess their relationship to have a more centered and balanced one.
Fran Lewis; Just Reviews/MJ Magazine