How to Build Children with Integrity: Karen Budzinski
Children need to learn proper values from the moment they can speak and enter this world. Parents need to present them with right tools, understanding of how to grow into a young adult that does not think everything is coming to them and constantly saying, I want this, I need that and dismissing the fact that hard work, respect for others and understanding their own limitations might bring them more positive results.
Each chapter deals with another area that all children and even adults can employ in their daily lives. When focusing on teaching your child the strategies and I call them goals within each chapter you should focus on not more than two at a time in order to understand what the author is explaining and then implementing these strategies one at a time making sure that you covered all of them within each chapter. “I Can Be Content with Who I Am and What I Have,” is chapter one’s goals. Being happy with what you have is vital but how many people are? She goes on to describe in detail for you to read The Eve Syndrome. What I really would focus on is the area which explains: Make Your definition of success one that is achievable and realistic> First learn what Success is not and What Success is using the tables on pages 4 and 5. Guard against materialism, and my favorite bullet: Replace perfectionism with the pursuit of excellence which I will expand on in detail.
Comparing and contrasting perfectionism or perfectionists which reach for impossible goals as oppose to pursuers of Excellence who may experience disappointment but keep going.
Perfectionists she explains are devastated by disappointment whereas Pursuers of excellence learn from failure. Perfectionists can only live with being number one whereas pursuers of excellence are happy with being number two if they know they have tried their hardest. This is only part of what she shares in this chapter. Chapters two and three focus on I AM PART OF A FAMILY and It Doesn’t Always Have to Be About Me.
Are all teens selfish? Not all but when they become so bent on needing to be the center of all attention parents you need to put the brakes on and slow things down in order to teach your teen the importance of relationships, training them to be socially acceptable, especially when speaking and making sure they as my mom indoctrinated me with this statement: Watch your words!
Raising their expectations, making sure you teach them that some of their free time is devoted to giving to others and not just spending it doing hobbies and their own pursuits. She continues with several ways to understand the Art of Communication followed by Chapter 5: I Am Responsible for My Responses. I wonder if teens ever really hear their voices, how they react to situations or even hear their own words. How you or any teen responds to others is imperative and important to your image or how others perceive them. Children’s trust is important to the author and she worked hard to earn it she continues to explain:
I do not speak negatively about our children to others. I never no matter what share secrets they tell me. I give them impartial advice, usually form the standpoint of another person. I will not side against them are just a few of what she shares. She continues with the difference between a correct response and an incorrect one. Chapter 7 explains in detail I Am a Work in Progress focusing on dealing with faults and weaknesses. The religious aspects that she shares I will leave to the reader.
Chapter 8 is titled I Can expend Efforts which focusses on having to commit yourself to what you are doing. Commitment restricts your freedom of action voluntarily to fulfill an engagement or obligation it means you are dedicated. But there are several things you need to consider first:
Consider the cost, what will it cost you financially and time-wise. How long is the commitment? Does it involve other people from whom you need to seek approval before you commit? She expands with other examples like Work Hard, make it fun, applaud efforts and how it applies to her children and how you can apply it to yours. I love number 5: NO COUCH POTATOES! And Set Limits number 6.
Something my parents taught me long ago is to turn obstacles into challenges and not let them take hold of you. The author describes her days that were jammed full and how she dealt with homeschooling five children and with her husband out of town plus the extra activities for all five children. How did she and should you handle interruptions, expect them to come, adjust your plans, importantly let others in, let others know you need help and important: Know you are equipped with wisdom, resources, words, and never gibe up, let it up, lay it down and forget about it are a few catch phrases. Most paramount; never forget to say Please and thank you and you are equipped with solutions. Each bullet or heading deals with facts or incidents germane to the author’s own personal experiences giving readers first hand knowledge of how the author deals with all the issues she is trying to impart on other parents to the final goal building a child or children with integrity. Chapter 9: I can get along with others, developing healthy relationships is imparted and explained in this chapter. Teaching your children as she did hers about friendships and shooing friends wisely. She taught her children the wisdom of different kinds of friendships and which are friends, and which are acquaintances. These are defined and explained in detail in this chapter and the rare find: Intimate friendships and within all chapters she relates them to the church and Christian families. The rules of friendship include establishing boundaries, being loyal, don’t keep track, be patient and gracious, bring who you are to the relationship and examine your motives are just some of what she explains and imparts in this chapter. The final chapter before the added appendices is titled: I Can be Perfectly Joyful in an Imperfect World with Imperfect People. Expanding on the value of relationships. people are your endorsements, adjust your expectations, take care of yourself, People are worth it, blind spots and something important for everyone to learn and consider: Look below the surface and a final point that I want to add: Stay True to Who you are! There are ten examples within pages 230-231 that e3xplains this plus hospitality, and finally point: When you develop a love for people, it is natural for you to grow in the area of hospitality. The second half of the book deals with the Parable of lives. Character attributes and how to teach them with real models and examples for each one. Powerful Ways to Develop Spiritual Strength in Children, some of her family traditions, church and mentoring and finally most important facts about homeschooling.
Each chapter and each appendix provide vital facts, examples, real life situations and information that should be read and implemented individually and not at once in order to understand the messages conveyed by the author and hopefully using her thoughts, ideas and strategies to help your child grown up with integrity.
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